When One Door Closes, Another Opens

I was cleaning out my inbox today in my email and I found a blog post I had written about this time last year that I had never posted. I wanted to share what I had written because even now, I struggle to put my life in God's hands but this blog post is a beautiful reminder that God will always guide our steps.

It has been a little over six months since I have returned from those marvelous days as a missionary. I couldn't help but ponder today, how ridiculously blessed I have been since my return. When I first got home, my Mom asked me to finish my blog but I simply couldn't it. I could not put into words the fact that my mission was over. Just like that, it had ended. I struggled for a long time after I took the plaque off to move on. I have always had a really hard time closing the chapters of my life and moving on to new things. I always worried, what if I will never be that happy again? What if this change is too scary or it doesn't end well for me? I have learned in the six months that I have been home, that God always gives us something better. Not necessarily easier, but He is constantly working for our happiness and so He always gives us the situations and the people that we need. My family has been an incredible blessing to me. Their support throughout my mission and their support as I came home saved me in so many ways. They welcomed my French phrases and weird acquired habits and somewhat self-righteous ways with open arms and eased me back into regular life. Without a doubt, I would not be who I am today without them, it was because of them that I left in the first place. The joy in our home was unparalleled and I knew it was because of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the blessings that come from living that. I wanted to share that with the world and they supported me wholeheartedly and I could never thank them for it. 

Coming home from a mission is difficult for so many reasons and I struggled to find my place, to fit who I had become back into my old life. I missed my life as a missionary and the routine and consistency it provided. The Spirit was so prevalent in every moment of every day and when I came home that changed. I did my best to stay close to the Lord but found it easy to become discouraged. But as usual, Heavenly Father in His loving kindness sent me a new blessing. An old friend from the mission. Elder Adam Mosley, a zone leader from my time in Belgium emailed me in April. His emails and letters were exactly what I needed to survive the summer as I learned to apply the many lessons God had taught me during my mission. We uplifted each other and believed in each other's ability to tackle the trials we were facing. It seemed so...strange that an Elder I had served with was becoming such a dear friend to me. He and I had been good friends while we served together but it was quickly becoming something more as we wrote and shared our insights and experiences. When he came home from his mission at the end of the summer, our relationship quickly turned into a whirl wind romance and has left me happier than I have ever been in my life. To make a very very long story short, God has been incredibly and mercifully kind to me. I don't deserve in any way the blessings and happiness that He has given me but "the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair."

God has been constantly guiding me and helping me to trust Him. The decisions I have had to make the past few months have been big, scary ones that have sent me to my knees time and time again. And each time, my loving Father in Heaven has been there to say, "It'll all work out just the way it needs to." I have always had a plan for my life. It was very specific and I was bent on accomplishing it, but Heavenly Father has a higher vision for us and His ways are not our ways. His plan is always better than mine even if He only lights my path step by step. I know with all my heart that there is a bright beautiful future ahead for each of us as we trust in His love and in His grace. He loves us so much more than we can understand and His only goal is our happiness. Heavenly Father wants to take care of us and lead us to unimaginable happiness. It is difficult to see what He sees, but faith gives us the perspective we need and as we trust in God and His plan for us, we will see the beauty of life unfold before us.

The Homecoming

Home Sweet Home 

May our lives of service always affirm that God forsakes no one

Bonjour à tous!

Wow. I cant believe how fast 18 months flies by. It feels like just yesterday I opened my mission call and here I am at my last P-day. We had a beautiful last week. We prayed with so many people on the street, I think Heavenly Father knows that is one of my favorite things as a missionary so He sent me lots of lovely people who were ready and needed it. He really answered all my prayers this week and I couldn't have asked for a more marvleous final week as His missionary! 

On Tuesday we had a lot of great plans and one by one they all fall through so we prayed to know where God needed us to be and we were able to visit one of our less actives and cheer her up quite a bit! And then we passed by a woman we had met porting a few weeks ago and she and her boyfriend let us in and we were able to teach them the Retab!! It was so cool because they are so open and ready! We shared the First Vision and asked Valerie what she thought about it and she said, "I can feel that you know it's true." YES. that is the Spirit my friend! We left them with the brochure and they promised to read it and were excited to learn more! It was such a great end to our day! 

Wednesday we went out contacting in Hellemmes and we were able to pray with THREE people! One of them, Virginie at first was pretty against us because we said we believed Jesus Christ is the Son of God and she wanted none of that so we steered the conversation more to the Plan of Salvation and we discussed God's love with her. At the end we said a prayer together and when we finished she was so, so touched. She said she had really needed some spiritual support and she knew thanks to us that God was reaching out to her again and she wants to come to church! I love when God uses us to remind His children of His love.

Thursday we went contacting in our Parc Barbieux because we got fruged. It's cool to see that everything happens for a reason. Because we didn't have that rdv we were able to meet Lea! She is an adorable French woman who is so humble and ready for the Gospel. We prayed with her too and she was so grateful. She really needed us that day and I am so glad God guided us straight to her! Later that evening we took Anais to the Famille Carpentier. I adore them and her!! It was such a wonderful evening. Anais is doing so well. She came to church again for the FOURTH time even though she had had hardly any sleep the night before. She is getting so many friends in the ward and really finding her place here. I love her so much and I will be so sad to tell her goodbye! 

I am so grateful for all the people that Heavenly Father has put into my life these past 18 months. My amies, members, less actives, recent converts and missionaries I've served around have all helped me become the person that God needs me to be. Each one of them has such a special place in my heart. Especially my companions! Each has been an answer to my prayers and I love them so much. They have all helped me so much on my journey here in France and Belgium and I could never forget them and what they have done for me. I have absolutely loved being a missionary and wearing Christ's name proudly on my chest every day. My mission means absolutely everything to me. Pieces of my heart are scattered all over Angers, Tours, Liege and V D'ascq.  I've given everything these past 18 months and God has given me so much more in return. Soeur Hosking once said, "my mission has set me free" and I completely agree with her. My mission has liberated me-giving me so many opportunities to develop a closer relationship with my Heavenly Father and with my Savior Jesus Christ. I rely on His Atonement more than I ever have before and that has allowed me to learn to love myself and others around me more. It has been so incredible to witness His love and kindness everyday, to have opportunities to share my testimony and offer a better life for others and to have so many chances to improve myself. I feel like I have found myself out here. I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for giving me such a beautiful mission that has changed and helped me so much. 

One of my favorite things I have learned as a missionary is that change is a lot more possible than I thought. My farewell talk was His Grace is Sufficient by Brad Wilcox and boy can I tell how I have learned that is true. It's been a theme throughout these months and Christ really is mighty to save. I am so weak and so flawed but the good news is: that is okay. Because of Christ's Atoning sacrifice He makes up for the imperfections in my performance and bit by bit, day by day I can progress and improve. And that is exactly why my mission has liberated me. I've learned to give myself permission to make mistakes and to let go of these idealistic dreams of being perfect all the time, every day. Heavenly Father doesn't want us to be perfect right now, He just wants us working and striving and struggling and trusting Him when He says, My Grace is sufficient for you. I know that God loves us. So much more than we could ever understand. We have a loving Father in Heaven who watches over us and wants nothing more than our happiness. I will never ever be able to thank Him enough for the past 18 months, and for all of you. For your support and prayers and love. It has meant so much to me during this year and a half. I love you all so, so much. I cant wait to see you all again! 

avec beaucoup d'amour soeur alicia hawkes 

selfies in the metro. il faut. and with canada infused tea at carrefour ha! 

French cathedrals

Parc Barbieux. This is where we come contacting when its sunny out. We spent our P-Day here walking and talking and laughing and eating pastries. I will miss these soeurs so much! 

pastries and vieux lille

Our lovely recent convert Oceane. She cried when we told her we were both leaving. (Soeur Walton is going to Liege!!! now she'll finally understand my obsession ha) Oceane told us she wants to be a missionary next year. She said she wants to be just like us because we've taught her to be strong and courageous. Made me cry. I love her so much and I am so grateful that she has been such a huge part of my life here in VDascq! I will miss her so much!! 

Judith. Our amie from Fiji. We met with her one last time Sunday night and shared The Hope of God's Light Mormon message and she was moved to tears. The Spirit really inspired us to pick that one because her journey has been really similar. I felt so much love for her during that lesson and I know that God is trying to reach out to her and He was able to do that through us! We were able to talk to her about God's love and how much He loved her personally and it was so wonderful to be able to remind her that God is there and His love is real! I love moments like that. I am so grateful we've had at least a few short weeks together with her! 

Be thou humble and the Lord shall lead thee and give thee answers to thy prayers

Can I just say how selfish missions are? really though, I feel like i have benefited the most from mission and I am so grateful for all the experiences I have here and all the wonderful things the Lord teaches me every week. We had a glorious week, full of mercy and miracles! 

So on Tuesday we were kind of having a rough day because we kept getting fruged and everyone was cancelling on us and it was FREEZING cold. But we went porting in the dark anyway and we were just praying our hardest for some miracles but were only getting doors slammed in our faces. Finally we're walking down the main road headed to the metro when I randomly decide to knock a huge house to our right, we've got nothing to lose. A lady poked her head out the window up a few flights and tells us to come back in 15 minutes. we were like uhhh okay. So we ported around the block for a bit watching the clock. Finally we ran back and she let us right in! We got to know her and her two daughters a little bit. She told us she wasn't believing at all and i thought that was interesting since she let us right in. But we began teaching the plan of salvation and i just relished the experience of sharing such a precious truth with a beautiful French family. We didn't have much time so we asked if we could come back and explain more and then she told us that she and her partner Julie don't have the same viewpoint as us but she appreciated us coming over. We were disappointed for sure but we both felt so strongly that God loved her and that we had done what He wanted us too, we reminded her that He was there watching over her. It was a beautiful miracle and I am so grateful we were able to meet her. 

Wednesday was a beautiful day!! we didn't have a single rdv set. which hasn't happened since I arrived in V D'ascq so we prayed really hard to know where the Lord needed us to be and we went contacting in our lovely Hellemmes. We walked around in the beautiful sunshine telling strangers about God's love and His plan for us. it was wonderful! But no one was really listening so I just said aloud I really want to help someone feel God's love and pray with them!! and then we turned the corner and met Lucie! God is way too good to me. We talked to her for a good twenty minutes about God's love and prayer. We didn't pray with her but we did give her a brochure and got her number and hopefully we can see her later this week! quel miracle! And then. We got on the metro to head home for lunch and we saw none other than our amie Laurence! She has cancelled all our rdvs lately so we decided to give her a break and then voila there she was! We chatted for a bit and then she said so can you come over tomorrow? haha uh yes I think we can. It was such a glorious day full of God's tender mercies! 

Thursday we met with Laurence and we gave her a Book of Mormon. She was pretty skeptical of it but we shared our testimonies of how much the Book has helped us and she was willing to read it and try for herself. Then she invited us over for lunch this week so we'll be checking up to see how she liked it, i really hope she was able to recognize the Spirit that comes from the book of Mormon and that she can realize how much it will help her in her life! Later that day we went to Lunch with the Redd's at the most lovely cafe in center of Lille. Then we bought yummy pastries and just had a wonderful time with them. They are serving in Liege right now so it was great to get all the news from the members and missionaries in my favorite place! it made me miss it so much though. But i am so grateful for the Redd's and their kindness to us! 

I'm running out of time but I wanted share a quote from President Uchtdorf that I found this week. He said, "We don't discover humility by thinking less of ourselves but by thinking less about ourselves." I have found that being more humble has helped me overcome a lot of my weaknesses. I still have a lot to learn but Heavenly Father certainly has taught me a lot about meekness and submitting to His will. I've learned that if I just trust Him if I just let go of my pride then I am able to allow Christ's Atonement to change my heart and bit by bit i am able to let go of who I was and become who He needs to me to be  because "If we learn to be humble, look at things with a more eternal perspective, and put our trust in the Lord, all will be well." 

I love you all so much and i am so grateful for you!! avec beaucoup d'amour soeur alicia hawkes