Bonjour ma famille!!

This week has been absolutely WONDERFUL!! I think I've really gotten accustomed to the MTC and I really do love it. My companion and I are growing closer everday! There are four elders and just us sisters in our district. (the pic of the group of us in front of the temple) I love my district so much! I really feel like we're a family. On Tuesday night after the devotional we all did preisthood blessings within our district. The Spirit was so strong and I absolutely know that the priesthood is teh power of God! I'm so grateful for my district! 

 

Every day we get up at 5:45 and have breakfast at6:30then at 7 we study until 8 where we have class until 11. at 11 we have lunch and then more studying, one hour of gym and then dinner at 4. After dinner is more class and then more studying!! At first I was overwhelmed with all the time I had to study but now I feel as though I don't have enough!! 

 

We have two teachers, Frere Laguan and Frere Blosil. And they're both incredible! I love them and they are so patient with my French! The French is coming along well. I've been able to speak and understand more each day. I am always afraid to speak up in our lessons because I know my French will be wrong but at our devotional, Elder Clark said that if you open your mouth He will give you strength so that's my goal!

 

This week with our lecons with Sebastien I was able to bear my testimony quite often and one time he asked me why the SAvior would suffer for us. I was prompted to share Alma 7:11-12 with him (a new favorite, definitely go look it up!) and testify to him of the love the Savior has for each of us. I've never felt the spirit so strong! It was amazing! I know he knew then how much the Savior loves each one of us! One thing to know is that our investigators aren't real. Frere Blosil was roleplaying Sebastien and now we're finished teaching him and we'll have new investigators this week played by our teachers!

 

I absolutely love getting all the dear elders! They make my day so much brighter so please continue sending them!!

 

So on Thursday we flew to San Francisco! We woke up at 1:30, went to the travel office at 2 and then they dropped us off at the Front Runner (train) at 3 however, there was a miscommunication and they were supposed to take us to teh airport not the train! So we were stranded in the freezing cold for over an hour! Fnially we got to the airport and made our flight. It was fun because everyone who saw us recognized and was like hey where are you serving and wanted to talk to us! Flying is the Bessst! I love it so much I can't wait to fly to France!

 

So we got to San Francisco an hour early so we sat in Starbucks for an hour because it was freezing cold! Then we went to the French Consulate and it took 20 minutes for the nine of us get our visas, they just took our pictures and fingerprints so we still had three hours until our flight! So we went to Fisherman's Wharf-Pier 39 and walked around. In the picture of all of us you can see teh Golden Gate bridge in teh background! We also saw loads of Sea lions just hanging out. We had lunch and went back to the airport for a while.

 

Then we flew home took the train to provo and a bus back to the MTC we were back by seven and absolutely STARVING. I had never been so exhausted in mylife and we still had two hours of studying! I didn't like San Francisco very much it was SOO busy and crowded and there were people swearing! haha it totally took me off guard! I was relieved to back at the MTC where the spirit is always very very strong. 

 

Thank you so much for the package by the way. Everything is perfect! 

 

You know when you're at church or at a meeting and you're on a spiritual high and everything is wonderful? That's what it's like at the MTC. I'm always feeling the Spirit and learning somehting new about the gospel!

 

My anxiety is so much better. I've been taking the Omega 3s and although it tastes like fish I really feel like it helps quite a bit. I've been able to focus on why I'm here and study my heart out! My favorite part is class and also teaching teh investigators. The worst part is gym time. I hate exercisng! haha Soeur Mason and I just jog and walk the whole time! 

 

Also. Soeur Mason and I are the new Sister Training Leaders in our zone! Woooooo! Actually it isn't that big of a deal because now we are the only sisters in our zone ha but we will be getting more in October but this new calling means that Sunday is FULL of meetings and not much study. :( but it's okay because I love serving anyway I can!

 

Frere Laguan said something that jus completely changed my perspective into the right direction. He said, " You are not learning French for you. You are not studying this gospel for You. YOu're doing it all for the people in France that you will help. Everything you do is for them." ANd instantly I forgot about my worries and I just knew that None of my worries matter. My homesickness doesn't matter. None of it. I am here for THEM. It was incredible!!! 

 

Every monday we get to go to the temple and I absolutely love it. The temple is a place of such peace and I feel so strengthened after going!

 

On Saturday in class we had a discussion about Stress Management and we watched a video and teh lady said We can only live one moment at a time. This really struck me because it's honestly so true! we try so hard to plan out every moment and worry and wonder but in reality all we really can do is right here right now.

 

As I've struggled these week with the French I've relied heavily on My Savior and the scripture in Ether 12:27 (Which I've now memorized in French yay:) and I know with all of my heart that it is true. Heavenly Father has given me weaknesses that He will make strong. He will give me the strength I need to accomplish my tasks. He has sent me to succeed! He will never ever give us something that we cannot do. His Atonement will give us the grace sufficient for our needs!! I know that He is always there for us. He knows what we go through and He cares deeply for each of us. This knowledge gives me so much joy! and I just want to share it with everyone! 

 

At devotional yesterday Brother Brady said Let go of your doubts and let faith fill your hearts. You never have to be afraid. Let go of the fear you hold on to and cling to the Savior who will help guide and strengthen you! 

 

I have to send the pictures in a separate email. pictures are here are so complicated! But I'll send them I promise :) Congrats Dad on teaching the combined lesson!! I'm sure it was fantastic! Thank you so much for that Dear Elder, it helped me so much! I love you! :)

 

Please send my love to the Stewarts. I am so sad to here about Brother Stewart. I'll make sure to keep them in my prayers!!

 

Tell Meg that I completely FREAKED OUT when I read she got asked to homecoming and by none other than Nathan Love!! I'm SO happy for her :) 

 

I hope I told you everything it's hard to think of everything when I'm pressed for time but I love you all please send more Dear Elders and I am doing absolutely fantastic here!!! 

 

I love you all so much and I can feel your prayers!! 

Avec Amour,

Soeur Hawkes 

oh also they call me Soeur Ox here because the French can't make the H sound haha! 

Sept. 23, 2013

Ma Famille!!!!

 

This mission has been sooo amazing!!! And so so so difficult! I absolutely LOVE LOVE my companion Soeur Mason. She is from California and she has 5 years of French. She knows A TON  and is VERY willing to help me with my French. All the missionaries in my district have French background except Elder Toscano. My teacher is Frere Laguan. He just got back from his mission in Montreal in June. I love him like a brother! He loves us and helps us so much it's amazing!! Class is my favorite part because it's fun to learn with him. I thought I was prepared until I came here. Then I realized I KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!! haha but it's great because I'm learning! We have a TON of study time and sometimes I get overwhelmed with how much time but how much I want to or should be studying I don't know where to begin! The first night we were here we had a teaching experience and it was absolutely AMAZING! we had mock lessons and the spirit was sooo strong! That's why I'm here. To bring happiness and joy and hope to those who don't have it! We taught two lecons last week. Our ami de l'eglise (investigator) is Sebastien and he is studying English at BYU. Our first lecon went great, Soeur Mason did most of the talking-she's amazing. AFterwards I cried because I was frustrated I couldn't understand him. and I was so afraid to speak! But I studied and studied and prayed really hard and our second lecon went a lot better. I was able to understand him a lot more and tell him things as well! The spirit was very very strong and I think he's progressing however I find it overwhelming how much I want to teach him but I don't want to confuse him and because of the language barrier there isn't much time to go over everything I would want to discuss. But I know the Lord will help me because I'm doing his work! SAturday I got a letter from the Clinic center asking me to do a survey about my anxiety. and it gave me anxiety! I was very very sick saturday and sunday after that and quite a bit this morning. I have anxiety about having anxiety! I feel as though I can't be a good missionary if I have anxiety but we went to the temple today and I felt much better. I have also memorized Ether 12:27 en francais and repeat it to myself quite  abit :) I can pray in French now!!! it's very slow and some of it is a mixture of english but I can!!! And I can bear my testimony in French as well. A very very simple one but a testimony :) The Elders in our district are something else. I love them as brothers and they are SOO kind to us. Soeur Mason and I are only the sisters in the district so we get lots of respect and attention hah Elder Toscano is our district leader and he gets a little crazy after he eats. Yesterday we ate lunch and he looks at Soeur Mason and says J'aime the way you eat! It was HILARIOUS because she jsut stared at him! I laugh too much at the elders and get distracted and Soeur M just gives them this look and they tone it down. She is so classy and composed! Unlike me who is either laughing or crying haha  Elder T's french is terrible but his heart is so so good. The other Elders feel like my older brothers and I really feel like we're a family although Soeur M and I frequently get irritated with their immature behavior. On Saturday Elder T came to sit next to us and said I have to ask you sisters a question. And we're thinking it's important and he's like do you ever talk in scripture with your friends back home? He's is tres bizarre! but we love im and he is very kind and understanding. The first few days Soeur Mason and I were in a trio with Soeur HAfen (who I met this summer briefly at Old Farm) because her companion was missing so it took a few days to sort that out and she moved districts but she's still in our room with her companion Seour Grunke from Germany. I love being a missionary although I frequently get overwhelmed the Spirit here just feels you up completely! The food here is really terrible unless I'm starving-then it's edible. Because of my anxiety lately I haven't eaten much but I'm doing great :) I keep running into Emily Edwards and it's strange to call her Sister Edwards! Also Sister Justine Liebel hunted me down and came to see me everyday! She flew to Tennessee this morning.  

I love this gospel and the experiences I'm having! I do love having everything planned out but there' s so much I want to learn sometimes I don't know where to begin! Please send Dear Elders!! :) I am very homesick and it does add to my anxiety unfortunately but Soeur Mason strengthens me and reminds me of my purpose. Being a missionary is very hard but it's very rewarding!  I'm sorry I keep throwing French in I no longer speak english but Franglish! haha it's wonderful! I love doing companionship inventory it's one of my favorite parts because we just tell each other our strengths and it helps me see myself as a good missionary. Although yesterday Elder T sat in on it with us and it was rather strange but he was like I just want to be able to understand you sisters so I can serve you better! Ooh lala...c'est tres bizarre mais fantastique!

I love being a missionary. Yes it is very hard and discouraging at times but then you feel the Spirit so strongly telling you this is where you belong and that The Lord will help you do it and I know that this church is true! I know that My Sauveur lives and loves me! I know through the enabling Power of His Atonement I will be the missionary He knows I can be.! 

I love you all beaucoup beaucoup!!! You're always in my prayers!!!

Letters are easier to respond to since I don't have much time on the computer just so you know :)

Avec Amour, 

Soeur Hawkes

Saturday, Sept. 21, 2013

 

Ma Famille!
THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE! I love this so much! I teared up a little when they put that missionary badge on me! They said to write a letter to your family to let them know you're safe so I AM FINE! They feed me, and my companion is very sweet. I am very tired but I've never been so happy or grateful in my life! The Spirit I feel here is absolutely amazing! I know th...at I am here doing God's work and that He will help and bless me. I am so grateful for this gospel and the knowledge I have. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE being a missionary! It is the best feeling in the entire world! I survived the first day and I'm excited to begin studying! I love being called Sister Hawkes! I love that no one calls me Leash. I love this so much I can't stop smiling! I know it's going to get harder but the Spirit is so strong here I know I can do anything! I love you all so much. More than you know! Don't miss me! Love you! Avel Amour, Soeur Hawkes

The Farewell.

My farewell was finally here. After waiting 133 days-I was finally giving my missionary farewell talk with all my friends and family there to support me. 

Two weeks prior the Bishop gave me the topic: His Grace is Sufficient by Brad Wilcox. 

I was absolutely thrilled, my roommate had shown me this exact talk a year ago and I loved it, so naturally I was excited to speak about something I was considerably familiar with. 

However, as the week went on I became more and more discouraged about my ability to speak on this topic. Everyone I knew was going to be there. I wanted to make a really good impression and let people know how much I loved this gospel and how excited I was to share it with the people of France. 

I am a perfectionist. And this talk was not coming together for me. 

As I continued to pray and study, I discussed with my Mom the frustrations I was having. She said something to the effect of, well, you're speaking on the Grace of God. Use it. 

So I decided to do everything I could do and leave the rest to God.

The day of my farewell I was really excited to see everyone I loved and to share my testimony with them. But as we arrived at the church and I began greeting everyone my fear and anxiety grew. 

I don't think I can do this.

As I sat on the stand, waiting for my turn to speak, I was absolutely terrified. 

But then I thought about what I was speaking on. The Grace of God.

His Grace is Sufficient.

Sufficient for me. 

Sufficient to help me to do this talk.

By the time it was my turn I felt much more calm.

I knew that my Heavenly Father was going to help me.

I stood up and gave up my talk. Honestly, I don't remember much of anything I said. 

I remember testifying of the truth of this gospel and that God's grace is sufficient for all and available to anyone who asks for it.

My new mantra is His Grace is Sufficient. 

I am so grateful for my farewell and the opportunity it gave me to share my testimony with those I love. 

I am so grateful for everyone that came to support me. 

I am grateful for His grace. Because it will always be sufficient for me.

So when I'm on the mission and struggling with discouragement and anxiety. I can look back at my farewell and remember.

Remember how much I am loved and supported and believed in by so many.

Remember that I don't have to be perfect. 

Because my Savior Jesus Christ was perfect, so I don't have to be.

Remember that I am never alone. 

And I will always remember that His Grace is Sufficient. 

 All the grandkids on my Mother's side-it's a party.

 My parents- I could never say how grateful I am for them.

 My sister. She's the best. Nothing left to say.

 My lovely friends-including those I grew up with and those I met this summer!

My college roommies-literally my favorite people.