Love should be our walk and our talk

Bonjour à tous!
This week was a lovely week here in France. We saw so many miracles
and had so many wonderful experiences! I am so grateful for so many
opportunities every single day to express my beliefs and share my
testimonies with others. It is the happiest thing for me to see the
light come into people's faces and to see the Spirit touch their
hearts. Missions are so beautiful!

So this last week we were sitting at the bus stop after a rdv and this
man comes up and starts talking to us. They always start with,"are you
from America" with a thick accent ha but we chatted with him and he
asked us our beliefs about God of course and he mentioned that he was
atheist. So we asked him some questions about that but then he was
firing question after question at us of how we could possibly know God
was there. And I suppose that he was trying to shake us from our
beliefs and convince us that we were crazy but instead I just felt
this warmth well up inside me that I knew that God is real and He is
there and He loves and wants to talk with us. And I felt a sadness,
that this young man didn't know that, even though before this life he
did, he had already chosen to follow Christ, that's why he's here! But
he lost sight of it I guess, as it is easy to do in this world but
this man, Adora (he's from Syria) had some genuine questions and we
were able to talk with him and share our testimonies and I know he
felt the Spirit. We gave him the elders number and maybe someday he'll
be able to find the truth that he's looking for. As for now, we've
planted a seed :)

Soeur Bradley said something really beautiful a few weeks ago that I
loved, she said that "we as missionaries are here to help people along
their spiritual journeys back to God." In some ways we do that by
teaching them the lessons and they get baptized but often it is in
small ways that we help them. By smiling and saying bonjour, by
helping them carry their groceries, by teaching them to pray or even a
small lesson but we never see them again. I think that in many ways it
is the small things that we do that matter most because it was the
small things that helped our golden investigators become so ready to
accept the gospel! No effort is ever wasted and it is by "small and
simple things that great things are brought to pass."

For example, tuesday night we went porting and we met a young man,
Remi who seemed to be struggling a little. We asked him about God and
he said he wasn't necessarily a practicing believer and it had been a
long while since he had prayed but when we offered to pray with him,
he accepted. As we prayed with him I felt the Spirit so strong and I
really hope he was able to as well. It was a wonderful tender mercy
for me to be able to pray with Remi and to feel a portion of God's
love for him. that's the best part about missionary work. is feeling
God's love for His children. I love being an instrument in His hands
and being able to help others feel His love. So many people here don't
believe in a loving God. Yesterday we were able to see Lea, finally
and she had some great questions about Heavenly Father. She wondered
how He could always listen and answer her prayers if there were so
many people on the earth. I was so happy to be able to testify to her
that no matter what as soon as we call upon Heavenly Father, He is
right there listening to every word we say and He will ALWAYS answer
us. No matter what. Because He loves us and He wants to communicate
with us. Lea was so relieved to hear that, I am glad we were able to
meet with her and soothe her worries and help her feel God's love.
We've moved her baptismal date later so she can prepare and I really
hope I will still be here in Tours so I can be there.

My favorite part about being a missionary is feeling His love. For me,
for my family, for my amies, for strangers on the streets, for the
members, for other missionaries and for the people we meet everyday. I
can't  believe how much love He has for everyone! I love being a part
of this and I am so grateful that I get to be here to experience so
much love. I've learned that truly love is everything. Love is why I'm
here, and so it should be my motivation for everything I do. President
Uchtdorf said, "Love is the guiding light that illuminates the
disciples path and fills our daily walk with life meaning and wonder.
Love is the measure of our faith, the inspiration for our obedience
and the true altitude of dsicipleship. love is the way of the
disciple." As he says, love should be our walk and our talk. When we
love others more than ourselves we can feel joy and peace. I have
found on my mission that the way to be truly happy is by loving
others. There's a quote that says "We become most ourselves when we
are most true to God and to one another" and the way to do that is by
loving other people. "Since all love emanates from God we are born
with the capacity and desire to love and be loved only as we feel
God's love and fill our hearts with His love can we be truly happy." I
am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for letting me be here and to
experience so much love. It is such a wonderful blessing to be here. I
The Beatles had it right, all you really need is love.

avec tout mon amour, soeur alicia hawkes

Me with the Poznanskis!! I absolutely adore them. They are amazing

wonderful people who have been such an incredible influence on my
life! I am so sad to see them go but soo grateful they were a part of my life!

                            So we went to angers last week for our zone conference! Soeur Bradley and I went to get pastries at the boulangerie underneath my old apartment, it was so wonderful to be in Angers again!!

                                   My package from you came!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! I looooved everything so much! I can't wait to make cake!!! 

 We got soaked in the rain! ...story of my life. 

                                               Red lipstick! haha we have so much fun together! 

If you argue for your limitations...you get to keep them.

Well this week I have learned many, many things. 

First off, comparison is the thief of joy. 

there's a quote I love that Soeur Bradley shared with me that says, 

            "Don't compare yourself to others, you'll either end up vain or bitter." 

Whoa. and it is so true. This past week I spent much of my time comparing myself and it left me feeling unhappy and I was missing the peace I had found here on my mission. I read this talk (that Soeur Bradley gave me..I adore her, she is always giving me quotes and talks!) anyway this talk is really great and it opened my eyes quite a bit. The woman talks about how many times in our lives we are waiting until we are perfect to be happy. She says, "I believe in a God who loves us and roots for us and cheers for every good thing we can manage to do. Our victories are His victories and He wants us to feel joy. Not later, when we no longer make mistakes, but right now." The beauty of the Atonement is that we never have to be perfect but that each new day is clean without any mistakes in it! We have the opportunity to try anew every day to become more like the people we want to be. So why waste our time on our weaknesses and the things that we do wrong? Our Heavenly Father sent us here to be happy! And I've found, the only way to be truly happy is to accept myself the way I am and to be continually striving to become the person Heavenly Father sees. I don't need to lead with my weaknesses but lead with my strengths as Elder Holland says, acknowledge that I have weaknesses and that I struggle but then fully acknowledge that I have strengths as well. I had an epiphany this week. Everyone has weaknesses, but some people just do a better job of hiding them. Because they spend their time polishing their strengths and using their talents than overanalyzing their weaknesses and mourning their shortcomings. If I argue for my limitations I get to keep them. So I'm throwing them out the window! I don't need them and I don't want them! Heavenly Father has given me specific qualities and talents that the people here in Tours need. They need me. But I can't use my strenghts if I'm obsessing over my flaws or because I don't have the same talents as my companion or the STLs or any other missionary. Soeur Bradley said to me this week, "Superheroes don't get jealous of other superheroes. Superman isn't going to stop being Superman just because he can't shoot spiderwebs out of his wrists like Spiderman. Superman uses the strengths and talents he's been given to help people. And that is what we need to do too." I absolutely love that. I don't need to be anyone else but me. And that gives me a peace I haven't found anywhere else. 

This Wednesday is my halfway mark. I can't believe how fast the time has gone by. Nine months. My life has been completely and forever changed by the past nine months. I am definitely not the same person. It is so strange to think how much I have changed. C. S. Lewis said, Day by day nothing changes but looking back, everything is different. And that is absolutely how I feel. I can't believe where I am today. Who I am today. I have a really really long way to go...but I am definitely on the path to becoming who I want to be. And it is all thanks to my mission. Everything that I am and all that I have is thanks to these past nine months and I can't wait to see what the next nine months will bring! My mission means absolutely everything to me. It has changed me and shaped me in ways I have never thought possible. I have learned some of life's hardest things and gone through my deepest trials. But I have experienced joy I would have never had and I have never felt so close to my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ. I have gained friendships for life and I have learned to appreciate so many things. I can't believe Heavenly Father is letting me have this experience. He is so kind and so loving to each one of us. I am so grateful to Him every single day. I have learned more than anything that He is kind and He loves us so much more than we could ever comprehend. All He wants is our happiness. I am so grateful to Him and the tender mercies He sends to me each day. 

Thank you so much for your love and support and prayers. It means so much to me! 

all my love soeur alicia hawkes 

 Frank and Nancy and their little baby! 

                                               
                                        Cecile and her son Louis and of course the dog Helios.

                                           Racheal and her family! They are members in our branch. 

Dreams Come True!  I saw the Eiffel Tower on Wednesday!

So this week we went to Torcy (it's right outside of Paris) for exchanges and because there was a massive strike our train was cancelled so we got stuck in Paris for a few hours. So we went to see the Eiffel Tower and I totally died. It is absolutely magnificent. Just like everything I had ever dreamed and more! I might be a little dramatic but seriously it is absolutely breathtaking! 

Fall down seven times, Stand up eight.

This week was... interesting. But really good and full of miracles as always but also...it was just a week that things were hard. Sometimes it is seriously so hard. I don't mean to complain but let's be honest, in life there are times when things are just hard and we don't exactly know why. We don't know what's going on or where God is at. 

Tuesday was probably the most absurd day of my entire life. I can't remember all the details, I think I blocked them from my memory but everything that could have gone wrong, went wrong! We showed up at the church for district meeting and had completely forgotten that the Elders had changed it to Wednesday not Tuesday! so we wasted SO much time getting to and from the church and that was a wonderful beginning to our day...then throughout the day things just kept going wrong. it was seriously so terrible. we spent a good hour looking for an adress that did not exist and we missed buses or took the wrong ones and by the end of the day I was so spent and worn out and we were walking home, so discouraged and just tired and there in the middle of our path is Drunk Man. we just call him that because every time we see him he is drunk and yelling at people and being scary. He hangs out a lot in our neighborhood and he's pretty sketchy, he has chased the sisters a few times and even grabbed them! So we ran away from him all the way home just to be safe and that was the end of the most ridiculous day.

Now for the moral of the story just like you expected :)

Sometimes Heavenly Father lets hard things happen. And these things weren't even that terrible. I've definitely had worse days for sure. But the things that happened I KNEW I could have prevented. But they happened anyway. why?

This week I had been studying about the Atonement and learning to forgive myself and to really put into practice the things I have been learning about. I have been trying so hard to learn to allow myself to make mistakes and to laugh instead of groan and to really just find the joy in missionary work despite all the searching for imaginary addresses and running from scary drunk men or getting rejected and mocked. Heavenly Father in His kind and loving way had provided me with opportunities that gave me the choice to apply what I had been studying and learning or to fall back into old habits. He let all those absurd things happen so I could learn to laugh at myself and to let go and trust that He knows me and He knows what is going on. 

I think that is one of the many themes of my mission. learning to trust God and making the conscious effort to see His hand in my life. To daily realize that He is there, that He knows me and what is going on in my life. 

I had been waiting for Dad's letter for TWO weeks. And it came on Saturday. But we spent the weekend in Le Mans for Stake Conference so I didn't get it until Sunday night. But I am really glad that it came when it did. Because like I said this week was just a little difficult. and that letter really helped me remember why I was out here and that truly God knows each one of us personally  and loves us more than we know. Constantly throughout my mission I have been reassured over and over of this truth. I have never felt His love so constantly and so surely before. He reminds me every day and I can see His hand in my life if I just look for it. And it isn't even that hard to find, there are evidences every where I turn! Like Lea. 

We were able to meet with her again Friday night and we SET A BAPTISMAL DATE WITH HER!!!!!!!!! I am so excited for her. She is so prepared and so full of faith! She started reading the Book of Mormon and LOVES it and she is so excited that it is true and not changed like the Bible is. She asks golden questions and cannot wait to be baptized. She just really gets it. She is a huge blessing in my life. I adore her so much and I cant believe how lucky I am! Heavenly Father is much too kind to let me be here in Tours to meet all these amazing people! She said that we are her family here. Tugged at my heart strings! I adore her. 

Sunday night we were also able to stop by and see Helene. The older lady we met porting last week. She is so sweet. She told us she didn't want to meet with us until she had finished with the Book of Mormon so naturally we just showed up uninvited and she let us in to talk with her about the restoration and the gospel. She is really ready too. She kept telling us that there was something missing in the Catholic church and she hopes we can help her figure out what it is. Uhh yeah we can!! I love her so much, she is so sincere and genuine and is seeking for the truth and it just makes me soo grateful because I have the truth! All of my life I have been blessed to have the truth and the best part is I get to be here and have the opportunity to share it!! So this week we are going to go back with the Elders to give her a blessing because she broke her foot a couple weeks ago. Yesterday she asked if we had the same miracles that Jesus did because we are his restored church. and we were so excited to tell her yes and explain the priesthood a little so we offered her a blessing and she was really excited about it so I can't wait to go back so she can have that experience! 

Even though there are those silly absurd days and the hard weeks and the struggles and stress that go along with missionary life, I really wouldn't be anywhere else. I am so happy and content here. I have a wonderful companion, fabulous branch members who take care of us, and amazing amies who love us and the gospel! I have family and friends that support me and I feel so blessed all the time! It can't get any better! Heavenly Father is so so kind to us and if there is anything I have learned on my mission it's that He is there. Always. Watching over us and blessing us as much as He can! He loves us so much more than we can comprehend and I am so grateful for this knowledge because it brings a peace and a happiness and hope you can't find anywhere else! 

quote for the week... "We may not feel deeply enough to know joy unless our hears have been hollowed out by sorrow. A heart may not be big enough to know real joy until it has been stretched and pulled by trials and hard things" 

thank you so much for your support and prayers. I love you all more than you know! 
all my love, soeur alicia hawkes 

We went to the chateau right next to our house! It's small and you can't even go inside but its super beautiful and it was a fun little adventure :) 

This week was absolutely wonderful. I adore my new companion Soeur Autumn Bradley. She is from California and she's gorgeous, in her 9th transfer, her French is flawless and she's an amazing missionary. I am so glad we get to be here together in Tours. I really hope that she rubs off on me! We've been together for less than a week and already we have had so many fantastic adventures! 

Our biggest miracle this week is an adorable 18 year old French girl named Lea. On Thursday we went porting and we knocked on her door and she let us in right away. She actually told us later, that she isn't the type of person to let random strangers into her home but right away she trusted us. She felt that we had something different. So anyway. She lets us in and we just chatted and got to know her. She just finished cancer treatments in January, and because of that she turned to God. She bore her testimony to us of God's love and we were all crying. It was absolutely amazing. Lea is one of the biggest miracles of my mission. At the end, we offered to pray and bless her and her home and she literally gasped and said would you please!? She then sat right next to me on the couch and we prayed. The Spirit was so strong and afterwards, she gave us little bracelets. She said you've changed my life today and I want to give you something to remember me by. She is way too cute. Then she asked if she could come to our church and Sunday she came and we taught her the plan of salvation. She asked so many golden questions and at the end, she asked us if she could be baptized. I couldn't help but cry as we told her yes. She is so prepared. She is so open and so willing, and she has so much faith. I absolutely love her so much. I am so grateful she is in my life!! Today she took us to see the Cathedral in Tours and I died. It was sooo gorgeous and even more she gave us a great tour! It was so fun to be with Lea and she is definitely one of our best friends. I love how kind Heavenly Father is to each of us and He has allowed me to be in France at this time in this place with these people. This weekend was full of so many tender mercies of Heavenly Father just letting me know that He is aware and that everything is under His control. 

On Friday night, we went back to Lea's building for a rendez-vous with her but she had to work late so we decided to finish porting the building. On the very last door an older lady answered looked at us and before I could say anything she said noo I do not want any Jehovah Witnesses here! We kindly explained who we were and that we simply wanted to pray with her. She ended up letting us in and we talked about life and searching for truth. It was really neat to see the Spirit work in her and touch her heart. In the beginning she was very hardened but by the end, she admitted that she had felt the Spirit of God touch her heart and she looved the Book of Mormon. We left her with a copy and will be seeing her later this week. 

This work is so much bigger than me. I am so weak and so small. Yet Heavenly Father gave me the chance to be here and to be an instrument in His hands to help His children. It was incredible to see His hand in our lives this week as He guided us. My whole mission I always thought that I wasn't a very good missionary unless I was perfect. (Ridiculous I know :) But this weekend I learned that Heavenly Father doesn't require me to be perfect. He simply wants me to try. There's a quote by Bruce R. McKonkie that says, "The path of discleship doesn't require perfection only that you are struggling, striving and desiring." and it is so true. "The only perfect person ever to live was not a perfectionist. Perfection is not required of us; it is promised to us."  How comforting that is to me that I don't have to be perfect! That knowledge lifts such a huge weight off my shoulders! I wish I would have figured that out sooner..haha but I am so grateful to know that because of my Savior all I ever have to do is try. and when I mess up it is okay. He is always right there to pick me up, dust me off and send me back on my way to try again. He is with us every step if we only be still and realize it. I've noticed that I let little things stress me out. I find myself wondering how on earth things are going to work out and I can't seem to worry my way out of problems. But then I realized that the Spirit can't speak to me when I'm too worried or stressed. The Spirit speaks to those who are still. Here's a little portion from a talk I read this week...

       "Consider the experience of the children of Israel, trapped by the Red Sea on one side and the armies of Pharaoh on the other. When they saw their precarious situation the people were           sore afraid and the children of Israel cried out unto the Lord and then to Moses in essence saying 'we're going to die! why have you done this to us? Didn't we tell you this would happen?' Their statements reveal great worry prior to the exodus and great regret after. As Pharaoh's armies bore down upon them, all were in turmoil and panic. All that is, except one whose heart was calm, whose soul was still. And to that one still soul, the still small voice whispered, 'Part the sea'.

I know that Heavenly Father is there and that He loves and knows each of us. I am so grateful to be a missionary. I love this work and I love the Lord! Thank you so much for all your support and prayers! I love you all so much! 

all my love, soeur alicia hawkes 

 This is Lea. She is soo adorable!

                                              Soeur Bradley and I at the Cathedral of Tours!

                                       Fritz the Elephant en vrai! He lived in Tours until he died in 1904

                                  these are the little bracelets that Lea gave us!! She is tooo cute.

                                                                     the cathedral!!