OH. MY. LANTA. I only have one week left in the MTC!!!!! We got our flight plans on Tuesday and EVERYONE was freaking out haha so many of the Elders were literally jumping up and down! It's real!! I'm going to live in a different country! AHHH I'm sooo excited!!! So our flight leaves 5:00 Monday Oct 28, and it's a direct flight to Paris so we'll arrive there at about 10 their time. We're leaving the MTC at 11:30 in the morning so I'm not sure exactly what time I'll be able to call...sorry but just know it'll be Monday between 1 and 5 haha sorry I know that's not very helpful!

So Monday we're sitting in class and the intercom comes on and asks for Sister Hawkes to call the Front Desk. I start to panic. Why would they need me there? So I called all the while my heart threatening to beat right out of my chest and they say that I have a new sister in my zone to pick up!! She's from Australia and had just flown in. I was so relieved and excited! So we went to pick her up and take her to her room to sleep and she is SO nice!! She kept exclaiming how beautiful Utah was and how wonderful our american accents are haha and then when we went to breakfast the next day she saw the bagels and was like what are those?  and she tried it and wouldn't stop exclaiming how sensational it was. haha I love her :) The other two new sisters came on Wednesday and we met them and did an orientation and a tour. They are so sweet and so nice! I love them already! Each night Soeur Mason and I go to visit with them and make sure they're doing all right and that's about the extent of our duties other than going to Branch Council. I love being a Sister Training Leader but they'll release us on Sunday..

 

SO. Each Wednesday night they do a How To Begin Teaching Experience for the new missionaries. And they put them in a room and other missionaries come in and demonstrate how to begin a legit lesson with an investigator. and they called US to be those missionaries to demonstrate. OH. Gosh. It was terrifying!! We relied COMPLETELY on the Holy Ghost to say the right things. and we had to do it in English which was really difficult. I can't pray in English anymore btw haha Lovin it. So that experience was really scary but it was a great opportunity because it reminded me of why I'm here. which is to help others to come unto Christ!! I can't wait to share my joy with the people in France!!

So the Tuesday night devotional was...Elder Oaks!!! It was SOO cool! The Spirit was so strong!! It was amazing. I learned so much from him!

 

Our teachers have challenged us to speak French ALL THE TIME. which is really good practice for when we get to France but it's really really hard, but you learn so much faster this way so it's great :)

This week with Ismael we started teaching the Plan of Salvation and we talked more about prayer. He really struggles with the idea of getting answers from God and actually communicating with Him. It strengthens my testimony so much to be able to testify to Him that God does hear and answers every single one of our prayers. Also on Saturday he asked me why Jesus Christ is so important? Why is He different than other apostles? He asked this right at the end so I was unable to answer his question but I promised to have an answer for him on Tuesday and I was studying the scriptures trying to figure out how to explain it to him I became a little discouraged. I don't know how to make him understand the Jesus Christ is the Son of God the only one who could have atoned for our sins. As I sat there pondering, I felt prompted to read 3 Nephi 11. As I read that chapter I felt the Spirit so strongly testify to me that Jesus Christ lived and died for me. He atoned for my sins and He knows me. Jesus Christ is my Savior. I felt the Spirit so so strong. And I know with all of my heart that Jesus Christ is my Savior and He died and suffered for me. And there are a lot of things I don't understand. There are so many things I have yet to learn. I don't always know how to explain things to people especially in French. But I KNOW that Jesus Christ is our Redeemer. And so it doesn't really matter what I don't understand because I have a testimony of Jesus Christ. 

 

Aaaand. Drum roll please....I spoke in Sacrament Meeting on Sunday. In French. I was terrified!! I spoke on Repentance and the Savior. It was such a blessing to be able to share my testimony of my Savior in French to my zone. It was a really great experience and even though I was terrified and I'm sure I made mistakes I'm really grateful I got to speak!

 

Well those are all my interesting stories for the week! The picture I attached is of me with our new sisters. I don't know if you can see it- but I burned my forehead this week with my curling iron. Just like the good ole days. ha!

 

I just want you all to know that I know that God hears and answers our prayers. This week I had a lot of questions and a lot of things that I was concerned about. And every. single. day. God answered my prayers. He sent SO many tender mercies every single day and I know that our Heavenly Father's hand is in the details of our lives every day. God hears and answers your prayers. I promise you that. My testimony has been so incredibly strengthened here. I have such a testimony of prayer because I have seen it in every day. Our Heavenly Father loves us so much and He will never ever abandon us. I'm so grateful for this knowledge!!

 

Quote for the week: However dim our days may seem, the Savior has seen darker.

 

 Love you all so much!!! 

Avec Amour,

Soeur Hawkes

Ma famille!

The weeks fly by and the days are a blur so I'll try to tell you everything! This week was really good, but hard. I struggled a lot with the language. Frere Laguan challenged us to talk in only French for 24 hours and it was SO hard. I was so discouraged by the end because I felt that I could hardly say anything at all but it was such good practice and Soeur Mason and I try to use only French every morning so we can apply what we are learning. 

 

This week we had a scripture share in class and we just talked  about why we love the Book of Mormon and the Spirit was so strong!! I am so grateful for the scriptures! I can find so much peace and strength there! Whenever I'm struggling I just turn to the Scriptures and my Heavenly Father. Prayer is SO powerful. As missionaries we are counseled to have a personal devotional with our Heavenly Father each night and as I've done that I have been more able to see His hand in my life and feel the Spirit more strongly. So whenever things get tough, just kneel and God will give you the strength you need!

 

On a funny note, strength in French is la force. So whenever I pray I feel like I'm asking the Lord for the force to be with me like on Star Wars haha I think it's great :)

Also do you remember how I used to do those random hiccups all the time? Yeah...those still happen... in the middle of class...haha Frere Laguan called me an Ecureuil. which is squirrel in French, it was hilarious.

 

Thank you so much for the package! I wear my boots everyday now! and the suprise rat in the boot was great-thaaaanks. also I've included a picture of me wearing the pumpkin glasses, my district got a real laugh out of that one! Amy's letter was so adorable. I'm writing her back today!

We are getting new sisters this week!!!!! I'm so excited we finally get to take care of someone! And they'll be right next to us in the residence so it'll be great I think!

 

Also lessons this week with our investigators were AMAZING. We taught the Restoration and the Book of Mormon. With Steven I was able to recite the First Vision in French! The Spirit was so strong and I know with all of my heart that Joseph Smith saw God and His Son Jesus Christ!!

 

With Ismael we taught him that as well but he couldn't understand that we could pray to God and He would listen to us. He thinks God is too important. So we were able to testify of the power of prayer and the relationship we can have with our Heavenly Father so I'm excited to see how his prayers went this weekend!

 

In answer to your questions Dad, no. we don't host the new missionaries or pick them up. I would love to but we have so much to study we just don't have time! And also we don't have a culture class which I really really wish we did, that would be cool!

 

Sundays are my favorite days ever. SO much spiritual nourishment it's wonderful! My companion had to speak in church yesterday and it was great. Rumors are I'll be speaking next Sunday...ha yeahhaa.

 

The MTC is my home now. I LOVE it here even though the food just keeps getting worse and worse so I'm living off those snacks you sent haha but really I feel so comfortable here and I love the people I'm around. I'm excited to go to France and start really spreading the word of God but I'm really scared too because I know I won't be able to understand much and I'll be in  a foreign country plus I know that my anxiety will be really bad out there so I'm trying to prepare myself as best as I can! 

 

The temple is wonderful. We were able to go this morning and I found so many answers to my prayers. I know that God is with me and that I belong in France. Sometimes I think of home and I want a pep talk from Mom and a blessing from Dad. To talk with Meg for hours and chat with Zach and to tease Jeff and the little ones but I know with all my heart I don't belong in Idaho with you guys. Not right now. The Lord needs me here and I will be an instrument in His hands. He's with me every step of the way and I feel His support and the Holy Ghost so much! I know that I am in His hands and He knows what's going on. He sent me here to succeed. He sent me here to bring this joy to the people of France and He doesn't expect me to do it alone!! God is with us always. We are never ever alone. Mormon 5:23 "Know ye not that ye are in the hands of God?" He has a plan for all of us. He knows exactly what we are doing and if we have faith in Him we can be made stronger through our trials. I love being a missionary. I have never felt the Spirit so much. I love my Heavenly Father and I know that He knows and loves each one of us!

 

The other picture I've attached is from a long time ago right before Emily left for Vancouver. She's so incredible and will change so many lives in Washington!!

 

Happy Birthday to Natalie this week!!! Wish I could be there! :)

 

We leave for France on the 28th. We should be getting our itinerary this week hopefully so I'll definitely let you know!! 

 

I love you all! Thank you so much for your support and prayers! 

Avec Amour 

Soeur Hawkes 

 

I always forget to answer some of your questions! But we try to talk as much as we can in French and if I have enough patience I try to think a lot in French. Usually after class my brain just automatically does it! also quite often the French word will come quicker than English ones, especially when I'm writing letters or emails and my journal is full of more French than English haha and I actually dream a lot in French, I'll wake up in the middle of the night completely distraught because I was talking to someone but couldn't figure out how to say what I wanted to them in French. So sleep has been a little hard to come by actually but I'm working on it. Also we always sing in French which I love. French hymns are so beautiful! The best part of being a missionary is feeling the Spirit so strong 24/7!!  I love my teachers and my district and my companion at the MTC!! The worst part....hmm maybe not being able to talk to my family...? I love the schedule I love the studying I love the gospel so really there isn't much not to love except the gross cafeteria food. seriously every day is worse than the one before haha! Thanks for all the quotes Mom, they are always exactly what I needed to hear!

 

Ma Famille!

I can't believe it's Pday again already! The days are so long but the weeks fly by! General Conference was absolutely amazing!!! Although it completely messed up our schedules- we weren't able to teach any lessons and meals were a nightmare but it was totally worth it to hear the words of the prophet and apostles! I loved all the talks! It's hard to pick just one! But I loved Edward Dube when he said NEVER LOOK BACK. That is so true for a missionary because I can't be living in my past life and expect myself to be a good missionary. Before conference started Soeur Mason and I wrote down questions we had and after conference all of them were answered! It was amazing!

 

Thank you so much by the way for the quotes and the talk from Richard G Scott about personal revelation this week that helped me so much! I loved everything President Monson had to say and Elder Holland's talk was so touching! I LOVED conference! If you have a chance could you send me the ensign copy of the conference? Also please send my brown boots with the zippers-it is bloomin chilly here! 

 

This week I was pretty sick with a terrible cold that I have now passed on to Soeur Mason, I feel terrible!! So that was a bit of a challenge to deal with because as a missionary you're working and working you don't have time to be sick! But it all worked out well in the end :)

 

As Sister Training Leaders we're basically the Zone Leaders for the sisters in our zone. However all of our sisters left this morning for Tahiti! We signed them out and bid farewell! Our new sisters will come next week I think and we'll just give them a tour, answer their questions and check on them often to see how they're doing as well as interviewing them weekly and reporting back to branch president. It really isn't much besides meetings so it's great and I'm excited to meet our new sisters! 

 

This week we met Steven who just showed up at church wanting to know more about it. He has been so prepared for the gospel! On Wednesday we taught him again and afterwards Soeur Mason and I were a little discouraged about how the lesson had gone but Frere Laguan said to us, "I couldn't teach like that until the 8th month of my mission!" I felt so much better! And he also said that I hardly ever make grammatical mistakes in my French, it takes a bit to get the pronunciation but I say it right! YEAAAAAHHH haha I've been so discouraged with my French because S. Mason has an incredible accent but Frere Laguan assured me that I was making progress and when I looked at our first lesson plan everything that I had written out I can now say off the top of my head! So the French is coming-slowly but surely:)

 

We committed Ismael to baptism this week! we also found out that he is Muslim, so that will be intresting to teach him all of our doctrines, but he has such a good heart and a desire to follow Christ! After our lesson with Ismael, Frere Blosil said to me, "Soeur Hawkes, when you speak from the heart, your French is tres tres bien, don't read off the paper, speak from your heart!" usually I write out the majority of what I'll say just so I don't panic and blank in the lessons but what he said hit me. Because when I speak from the heart, I'm saying what the Spirit is prompting and He's helping me remember the correct French! It was a wonderful epiphany!! 

 

So one of our teachers Frere Blosil, is really....eccentric to say the least haha he took Elder Bayer's coat and scarf and wore them for half the class just modeling it, and then we were walking up the stairs to a zone meeting and all the sudden he just falls straight backwards and calls out trust fall! he did it like 3 or 4 times and the Elders barely saved his life! He's so weird...haha but he's so encouraging and patient with our French as is Frere Laguan-they're the best and I couldn't have asked for better teachers!

 

On Thursday we taught at the TRC where real members of the Church come to have lessons with us. This first man was from Southern France and had the strangest accent so I couldn't understand anything he said! He would say something and then look at me and I would just have that deer in the headlights look! haha luckily Soeur Mason is the best and she helped me out. He switched to english a few times and said to us "you have the faces of angels!" and at the end he said you are angels sent from on high! hahaha he was so great! I love the TRC because it gives a chance to connect with real people and to practice being genuinely intrested in a stranger's life and how to connect with people you've known for 5 seconds. It is SUPER scary but such a wonderful opportunity!!

 

On Friday I was really struggling and I was just thinking how much harder this mission thing turned out to be and I finally realized why. Because never before in my life have I had to be constantly choosing every second of the day to choose faith over fear and discouragement. It is SO easy to get down on yourself and look at how far you have to go but  I know that if we choose to have faith we can do everything! And it's so hard when I'm staring at the investigator and my heart is so full of my testimony and I can't find the right words in French or I look at all my books and studies and just think I could I possibly do this? And it has occurred to me this week that I can't do this. Not on my own. If I work my hardest and try my best and then hand everything to the Lord, I will be able to do this. He will make me strong but not until AFTER the trial of my faith! And that is why a mission is hard. Because you have to consciously constantly rely on your faith and your Savior every single moment of the day or be completely taken over by fear and discouragement. After I realized all of this I knew that I could do it!! As soon as it become hard or I wanted to be discouraged, I would just think of my Savior and of my purpose and look back in my life at all the times He has blessed me and helped me and I know that He will be with me every step of the way just as he is with all of us. 

I loved what Uchtdorf said, Doubt your doubts first before your faith. That was so incredible and hit me so hard! My goal for the week  for sure!

 

Thank you everyone so much for your letters, prayers and love!! Letters are like gold here and I feel like a million bucks everytime I get one!

Kelsie Cox-I've been getting your DearElders I promise! and I absolutely love them! I would write you back but I don't have your address!!

Dad-Thank you so much for your letters, I love them soo much! :) 

Megera-I'm sending another letter out to you  today! How is the dress hunting??

I hope I told you everything I wanted to, so much happens in just one week! Don't forget to look up! as Elder Ochoa says! I love you all and couldn't be more grateful or happy!! Je vous aime beacoup et je sais que cette eglise est vrai!!

Avec Amour,

Soeur Hawkes

P.S. We watched the talk given by Elder Bednar-The Character of Christ yesterday-LIFE CHANGING. Seriously. Go watch it!!!

P.P.S. Zacharias--an Elder in my district reminds me SO much of you it's ridiculous. Just thought I'd let you know Love ya!

 

Oh I forgot to tell you that vocal point came for our devotional yesterday! It was way cool! LOVED it aaaaand......a GENERAL AUTHORITY is coming to our devotional Tuesday!! I'm so stoked!! Can't wait!! I'll have to tell you allll about it next week! and we get our itinerary for our flight to France in like a week and a half! I'm so excited! I feel like I've been here at the MTC my whole life and this where I'll stay haha but I will get to France! Love you all!!! 

Bonjour ma famille!!

This week has been absolutely WONDERFUL!! I think I've really gotten accustomed to the MTC and I really do love it. My companion and I are growing closer everday! There are four elders and just us sisters in our district. (the pic of the group of us in front of the temple) I love my district so much! I really feel like we're a family. On Tuesday night after the devotional we all did preisthood blessings within our district. The Spirit was so strong and I absolutely know that the priesthood is teh power of God! I'm so grateful for my district! 

 

Every day we get up at 5:45 and have breakfast at6:30then at 7 we study until 8 where we have class until 11. at 11 we have lunch and then more studying, one hour of gym and then dinner at 4. After dinner is more class and then more studying!! At first I was overwhelmed with all the time I had to study but now I feel as though I don't have enough!! 

 

We have two teachers, Frere Laguan and Frere Blosil. And they're both incredible! I love them and they are so patient with my French! The French is coming along well. I've been able to speak and understand more each day. I am always afraid to speak up in our lessons because I know my French will be wrong but at our devotional, Elder Clark said that if you open your mouth He will give you strength so that's my goal!

 

This week with our lecons with Sebastien I was able to bear my testimony quite often and one time he asked me why the SAvior would suffer for us. I was prompted to share Alma 7:11-12 with him (a new favorite, definitely go look it up!) and testify to him of the love the Savior has for each of us. I've never felt the spirit so strong! It was amazing! I know he knew then how much the Savior loves each one of us! One thing to know is that our investigators aren't real. Frere Blosil was roleplaying Sebastien and now we're finished teaching him and we'll have new investigators this week played by our teachers!

 

I absolutely love getting all the dear elders! They make my day so much brighter so please continue sending them!!

 

So on Thursday we flew to San Francisco! We woke up at 1:30, went to the travel office at 2 and then they dropped us off at the Front Runner (train) at 3 however, there was a miscommunication and they were supposed to take us to teh airport not the train! So we were stranded in the freezing cold for over an hour! Fnially we got to the airport and made our flight. It was fun because everyone who saw us recognized and was like hey where are you serving and wanted to talk to us! Flying is the Bessst! I love it so much I can't wait to fly to France!

 

So we got to San Francisco an hour early so we sat in Starbucks for an hour because it was freezing cold! Then we went to the French Consulate and it took 20 minutes for the nine of us get our visas, they just took our pictures and fingerprints so we still had three hours until our flight! So we went to Fisherman's Wharf-Pier 39 and walked around. In the picture of all of us you can see teh Golden Gate bridge in teh background! We also saw loads of Sea lions just hanging out. We had lunch and went back to the airport for a while.

 

Then we flew home took the train to provo and a bus back to the MTC we were back by seven and absolutely STARVING. I had never been so exhausted in mylife and we still had two hours of studying! I didn't like San Francisco very much it was SOO busy and crowded and there were people swearing! haha it totally took me off guard! I was relieved to back at the MTC where the spirit is always very very strong. 

 

Thank you so much for the package by the way. Everything is perfect! 

 

You know when you're at church or at a meeting and you're on a spiritual high and everything is wonderful? That's what it's like at the MTC. I'm always feeling the Spirit and learning somehting new about the gospel!

 

My anxiety is so much better. I've been taking the Omega 3s and although it tastes like fish I really feel like it helps quite a bit. I've been able to focus on why I'm here and study my heart out! My favorite part is class and also teaching teh investigators. The worst part is gym time. I hate exercisng! haha Soeur Mason and I just jog and walk the whole time! 

 

Also. Soeur Mason and I are the new Sister Training Leaders in our zone! Woooooo! Actually it isn't that big of a deal because now we are the only sisters in our zone ha but we will be getting more in October but this new calling means that Sunday is FULL of meetings and not much study. :( but it's okay because I love serving anyway I can!

 

Frere Laguan said something that jus completely changed my perspective into the right direction. He said, " You are not learning French for you. You are not studying this gospel for You. YOu're doing it all for the people in France that you will help. Everything you do is for them." ANd instantly I forgot about my worries and I just knew that None of my worries matter. My homesickness doesn't matter. None of it. I am here for THEM. It was incredible!!! 

 

Every monday we get to go to the temple and I absolutely love it. The temple is a place of such peace and I feel so strengthened after going!

 

On Saturday in class we had a discussion about Stress Management and we watched a video and teh lady said We can only live one moment at a time. This really struck me because it's honestly so true! we try so hard to plan out every moment and worry and wonder but in reality all we really can do is right here right now.

 

As I've struggled these week with the French I've relied heavily on My Savior and the scripture in Ether 12:27 (Which I've now memorized in French yay:) and I know with all of my heart that it is true. Heavenly Father has given me weaknesses that He will make strong. He will give me the strength I need to accomplish my tasks. He has sent me to succeed! He will never ever give us something that we cannot do. His Atonement will give us the grace sufficient for our needs!! I know that He is always there for us. He knows what we go through and He cares deeply for each of us. This knowledge gives me so much joy! and I just want to share it with everyone! 

 

At devotional yesterday Brother Brady said Let go of your doubts and let faith fill your hearts. You never have to be afraid. Let go of the fear you hold on to and cling to the Savior who will help guide and strengthen you! 

 

I have to send the pictures in a separate email. pictures are here are so complicated! But I'll send them I promise :) Congrats Dad on teaching the combined lesson!! I'm sure it was fantastic! Thank you so much for that Dear Elder, it helped me so much! I love you! :)

 

Please send my love to the Stewarts. I am so sad to here about Brother Stewart. I'll make sure to keep them in my prayers!!

 

Tell Meg that I completely FREAKED OUT when I read she got asked to homecoming and by none other than Nathan Love!! I'm SO happy for her :) 

 

I hope I told you everything it's hard to think of everything when I'm pressed for time but I love you all please send more Dear Elders and I am doing absolutely fantastic here!!! 

 

I love you all so much and I can feel your prayers!! 

Avec Amour,

Soeur Hawkes 

oh also they call me Soeur Ox here because the French can't make the H sound haha! 

Sept. 23, 2013

Ma Famille!!!!

 

This mission has been sooo amazing!!! And so so so difficult! I absolutely LOVE LOVE my companion Soeur Mason. She is from California and she has 5 years of French. She knows A TON  and is VERY willing to help me with my French. All the missionaries in my district have French background except Elder Toscano. My teacher is Frere Laguan. He just got back from his mission in Montreal in June. I love him like a brother! He loves us and helps us so much it's amazing!! Class is my favorite part because it's fun to learn with him. I thought I was prepared until I came here. Then I realized I KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!! haha but it's great because I'm learning! We have a TON of study time and sometimes I get overwhelmed with how much time but how much I want to or should be studying I don't know where to begin! The first night we were here we had a teaching experience and it was absolutely AMAZING! we had mock lessons and the spirit was sooo strong! That's why I'm here. To bring happiness and joy and hope to those who don't have it! We taught two lecons last week. Our ami de l'eglise (investigator) is Sebastien and he is studying English at BYU. Our first lecon went great, Soeur Mason did most of the talking-she's amazing. AFterwards I cried because I was frustrated I couldn't understand him. and I was so afraid to speak! But I studied and studied and prayed really hard and our second lecon went a lot better. I was able to understand him a lot more and tell him things as well! The spirit was very very strong and I think he's progressing however I find it overwhelming how much I want to teach him but I don't want to confuse him and because of the language barrier there isn't much time to go over everything I would want to discuss. But I know the Lord will help me because I'm doing his work! SAturday I got a letter from the Clinic center asking me to do a survey about my anxiety. and it gave me anxiety! I was very very sick saturday and sunday after that and quite a bit this morning. I have anxiety about having anxiety! I feel as though I can't be a good missionary if I have anxiety but we went to the temple today and I felt much better. I have also memorized Ether 12:27 en francais and repeat it to myself quite  abit :) I can pray in French now!!! it's very slow and some of it is a mixture of english but I can!!! And I can bear my testimony in French as well. A very very simple one but a testimony :) The Elders in our district are something else. I love them as brothers and they are SOO kind to us. Soeur Mason and I are only the sisters in the district so we get lots of respect and attention hah Elder Toscano is our district leader and he gets a little crazy after he eats. Yesterday we ate lunch and he looks at Soeur Mason and says J'aime the way you eat! It was HILARIOUS because she jsut stared at him! I laugh too much at the elders and get distracted and Soeur M just gives them this look and they tone it down. She is so classy and composed! Unlike me who is either laughing or crying haha  Elder T's french is terrible but his heart is so so good. The other Elders feel like my older brothers and I really feel like we're a family although Soeur M and I frequently get irritated with their immature behavior. On Saturday Elder T came to sit next to us and said I have to ask you sisters a question. And we're thinking it's important and he's like do you ever talk in scripture with your friends back home? He's is tres bizarre! but we love im and he is very kind and understanding. The first few days Soeur Mason and I were in a trio with Soeur HAfen (who I met this summer briefly at Old Farm) because her companion was missing so it took a few days to sort that out and she moved districts but she's still in our room with her companion Seour Grunke from Germany. I love being a missionary although I frequently get overwhelmed the Spirit here just feels you up completely! The food here is really terrible unless I'm starving-then it's edible. Because of my anxiety lately I haven't eaten much but I'm doing great :) I keep running into Emily Edwards and it's strange to call her Sister Edwards! Also Sister Justine Liebel hunted me down and came to see me everyday! She flew to Tennessee this morning.  

I love this gospel and the experiences I'm having! I do love having everything planned out but there' s so much I want to learn sometimes I don't know where to begin! Please send Dear Elders!! :) I am very homesick and it does add to my anxiety unfortunately but Soeur Mason strengthens me and reminds me of my purpose. Being a missionary is very hard but it's very rewarding!  I'm sorry I keep throwing French in I no longer speak english but Franglish! haha it's wonderful! I love doing companionship inventory it's one of my favorite parts because we just tell each other our strengths and it helps me see myself as a good missionary. Although yesterday Elder T sat in on it with us and it was rather strange but he was like I just want to be able to understand you sisters so I can serve you better! Ooh lala...c'est tres bizarre mais fantastique!

I love being a missionary. Yes it is very hard and discouraging at times but then you feel the Spirit so strongly telling you this is where you belong and that The Lord will help you do it and I know that this church is true! I know that My Sauveur lives and loves me! I know through the enabling Power of His Atonement I will be the missionary He knows I can be.! 

I love you all beaucoup beaucoup!!! You're always in my prayers!!!

Letters are easier to respond to since I don't have much time on the computer just so you know :)

Avec Amour, 

Soeur Hawkes

Saturday, Sept. 21, 2013

 

Ma Famille!
THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE! I love this so much! I teared up a little when they put that missionary badge on me! They said to write a letter to your family to let them know you're safe so I AM FINE! They feed me, and my companion is very sweet. I am very tired but I've never been so happy or grateful in my life! The Spirit I feel here is absolutely amazing! I know th...at I am here doing God's work and that He will help and bless me. I am so grateful for this gospel and the knowledge I have. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE being a missionary! It is the best feeling in the entire world! I survived the first day and I'm excited to begin studying! I love being called Sister Hawkes! I love that no one calls me Leash. I love this so much I can't stop smiling! I know it's going to get harder but the Spirit is so strong here I know I can do anything! I love you all so much. More than you know! Don't miss me! Love you! Avel Amour, Soeur Hawkes

The Farewell.

My farewell was finally here. After waiting 133 days-I was finally giving my missionary farewell talk with all my friends and family there to support me. 

Two weeks prior the Bishop gave me the topic: His Grace is Sufficient by Brad Wilcox. 

I was absolutely thrilled, my roommate had shown me this exact talk a year ago and I loved it, so naturally I was excited to speak about something I was considerably familiar with. 

However, as the week went on I became more and more discouraged about my ability to speak on this topic. Everyone I knew was going to be there. I wanted to make a really good impression and let people know how much I loved this gospel and how excited I was to share it with the people of France. 

I am a perfectionist. And this talk was not coming together for me. 

As I continued to pray and study, I discussed with my Mom the frustrations I was having. She said something to the effect of, well, you're speaking on the Grace of God. Use it. 

So I decided to do everything I could do and leave the rest to God.

The day of my farewell I was really excited to see everyone I loved and to share my testimony with them. But as we arrived at the church and I began greeting everyone my fear and anxiety grew. 

I don't think I can do this.

As I sat on the stand, waiting for my turn to speak, I was absolutely terrified. 

But then I thought about what I was speaking on. The Grace of God.

His Grace is Sufficient.

Sufficient for me. 

Sufficient to help me to do this talk.

By the time it was my turn I felt much more calm.

I knew that my Heavenly Father was going to help me.

I stood up and gave up my talk. Honestly, I don't remember much of anything I said. 

I remember testifying of the truth of this gospel and that God's grace is sufficient for all and available to anyone who asks for it.

My new mantra is His Grace is Sufficient. 

I am so grateful for my farewell and the opportunity it gave me to share my testimony with those I love. 

I am so grateful for everyone that came to support me. 

I am grateful for His grace. Because it will always be sufficient for me.

So when I'm on the mission and struggling with discouragement and anxiety. I can look back at my farewell and remember.

Remember how much I am loved and supported and believed in by so many.

Remember that I don't have to be perfect. 

Because my Savior Jesus Christ was perfect, so I don't have to be.

Remember that I am never alone. 

And I will always remember that His Grace is Sufficient. 

 All the grandkids on my Mother's side-it's a party.

 My parents- I could never say how grateful I am for them.

 My sister. She's the best. Nothing left to say.

 My lovely friends-including those I grew up with and those I met this summer!

My college roommies-literally my favorite people.